How do you know when you are over-giving and self-doubting yourself and your abilities? And, if you do find yourself over-giving to please, how do you stop?
Over-giving is a common problem with women, because we want to help, provide high value, and be of service. These are all great things to strive to deliver to our clients.
But, if this desire is rooted in the shadow beliefs of self doubt, “not being good enough,” or fear and insecurity about our talents and knowledge, this over-giving cycle will wreak havoc in our emotional lives. And, we’ll “give away the farm,” which affects our incomes, too.
Over-giving is a reflection of the “money mirror” of deservability, of being unsure we are doing enough to receive whatever is good we get in our life.
The self-doubt of being deserving shows up in your business as cramming a lot of “stuff” into your packages and programs, giving away extra services (more than what’s paid for) without charging, or making yourself too available (like after-hours or weekend phone calls and emails from demanding clients—and you respond to them).
The recurring theme behind the “money mirror” of being deserving is “never enough”, and the emotional undercurrent is a driving need to please.
No matter how much you give away your time, services, or expertise, somehow it’s never enough. And because what you really want is acknowledgement and acceptance, you’ll bend over backwards to get it. The problem is it’s never enough, creating a vicious cycle of burnout, exhaustion and resentment.
One of the big ironies of the “money mirror” of deservability, is it attracts more deservability. In other words, you’ll tend to attract clients who take an “it’s not good enough” stance when it comes to your services. This is a vicious cycle you definitely want to side-step!
The best way to know if you’re over-giving is to do a simple “check in” with your surfacing fears, energy, and state of mind around your work.
Are you working really hard? Is the energy behind “giving more” a genuine desire to create value (which you can do without working yourself into a frenzy and overwhelming your clients). Or, do you harbor a fear that what you give “isn’t enough,” “isn’t good enough,” or you are fulfilling a driving “need to please?”
Most importantly, check your level of satisfaction and happiness; are you at peace, and feel happy? Are you deeply satisfied that what you do for your clients IS enough? If not, it’s time to face up to the reality that you are giving away too much of yourself, at a very high energetic, emotional, and financial cost to you.
My coach’s request of you this week is to try this simple action to stop over-giving:
The next time you find yourself doubting your deservability, or are over-giving, ask yourself, “What is the fear I have that is surfacing?”
Then, give yourself the gifts of acceptance, acknowledgement, and love. Love of yourself, and knowing you are deserving is much greater and larger than fear and self-doubt.
You are perfect, right now, just as you are. And, your clients will thrive being in your presence when you claim your true value.