Test

How do you know when you are over-giving and self-doubting yourself and your abilities?  And, if you do find yourself over-giving to please, how do you stop?

Over-giving is a common problem with women, because we want to help, provide high value, and be of service.  These are all great things to strive to deliver to our clients.

But, if this desire is rooted in the shadow beliefs of self doubt, “not being good enough,” or fear and insecurity about our talents and knowledge, this over-giving cycle will wreak havoc in our emotional lives.  And, we’ll “give away the farm,” which affects our incomes, too.

Over-giving is a reflection of the “money mirror” of deservability, of being unsure we are doing enough to receive whatever is good we get in our life.

The self-doubt of being deserving shows up in your business as cramming a lot of “stuff” into your packages and programs, giving away extra services (more than what’s paid for) without charging, or making yourself too available (like after-hours or weekend phone calls and emails from demanding clients—and you respond to them).

The recurring theme behind the “money mirror” of being deserving is “never enough”, and the emotional undercurrent is a driving need to please.

No matter how much you give away your time, services, or expertise, somehow it’s never enough. And because what you really want is acknowledgement and acceptance, you’ll bend over backwards to get it. The problem is it’s never enough, creating a vicious cycle of burnout, exhaustion and resentment.

One of the big ironies of the “money mirror” of deservability, is it attracts more deservability.  In other words, you’ll tend to attract clients who take an “it’s not good enough” stance when it comes to your services.  This is a vicious cycle you definitely want to side-step!

The best way to know if you’re over-giving is to do a simple “check in” with your surfacing fears, energy, and state of mind around your work.

Are you working really hard? Is the energy behind “giving more” a genuine desire to create value (which you can do without working yourself into a frenzy and overwhelming your clients).  Or, do you harbor a fear that what you give “isn’t enough,” “isn’t good enough,” or you are fulfilling a driving “need to please?”

Most importantly, check your level of satisfaction and happiness; are you at peace, and feel happy?  Are you deeply satisfied that what you do for your clients IS enough?   If not, it’s time to face up to the reality that you are giving away too much of yourself, at a very high energetic, emotional, and financial cost to you.

My coach’s request of you this week is to try this simple action to stop over-giving:

The next time you find yourself doubting your deservability, or are over-giving, ask yourself, “What is the fear I have that is surfacing?”

Then, give yourself the gifts of acceptance, acknowledgement, and love.  Love of yourself, and knowing you are deserving is much greater and larger than fear and self-doubt.

You are perfect, right now, just as you are.  And, your clients will thrive being in your presence when you claim your true value.

This year has been a big growth and expansion year for me – inbusiness (biggest year ever), life (children moving out of the home) and on “the inner planes,” stepping into my calling.

And, it’s getting even bigger this year.

I’ve been working with my mentors, and was reminded by one of them again of the sometimes super-frustrating reality that to say YES to your life’s work in your heart, doesn’t necessarily mean your head—with all its doubts, fears, objections, and shenanigans—is going to go willingly.

There is a book titled, The Big Leap, by Gay Hendricks. In this book, he talks about “the one problem that holds you back.” Here it is in a nutshell…

Whenever you start to experience a level of success that’s outside of your comfort zone (what you’re used to), you’ll sabotage yourself in some way to bring yourself back down. Gay calls this the Upper Limit Problem.

We all have the Upper Limit Problem. So like me, my mentors, and everyone else in the world, there’s some part of you that secretly fears success.  Think about these questions:

• What will happen when you finally reach for your dream and say YES to the work you’re meant to do in the world?
• What will happen when you decide to claim the abundance that is waiting for you?
• What will happen when you decide to be happy no matter what the circumstance?
• What will happen when you decide to invest in yourself and your future?

I can tell you exactly what will happen – your Upper Limit Problem will creep up and burst onto the scene with a big roar.

For me, the Upper Limit Problem has manifested itself in my life over the past few months.  And, I will admit I had some fearful times.  But, once I faced up to it head on, I could focus my attention on doing activities that increased my capacity to expand, rather than keep me contracted, and fearful.

I’d bet you already have some idea of how the Upper Limit shows up in your life…

… Maybe it’s arguing with your spouse…

… Maybe you shy away from reaching out to your peeps with a new offer….

… Or maybe it’s the common experience of dreaming up thoughts that make you feel really bad about how things may not work out.

My coach’s request to you is to make a decision about how you’ll handle it the next time the Upper Limit Problem appears in your life, attempting to sabotage your success.

If you are in a growth stage in your personal life and business, or ready to embark on one, it WILL pop up. 

Then, you can say, “Hey, there it is again… and I know what to do.”

Perhaps you can talk with a mentor or supportive person, or decide on taking actions to break through whatever is manifesting in a way that is holding you back.

Have a brilliant and prosperous week.

I want to hand you my system how to get new clients quickly.  It includes Done-For-You templates, scripts, checklists, and more.  There’s still time to register for my 3-part telecourse training series, Breakthrough Secrets – How to Become Irresistible to Clients: Proven Strategies to Enroll 1, 3, 5, 7, or 10 Clients…Whether You’re a Seasoned Entrepreneur or New in Business.  The kickoff class is Saturday, April 16, 2011.  You’ll get your ROI with less than 1 new client!  Register now at http://bonitarichter.com/getnewclients-2/.

Proven Strategies to Quickly Enroll Your Next 1, 3, 5, or 10 Clients… Whether You’re a Seasoned Entrepreneur or New in Business

In this 3-part telecourse training series— learn the secrets of attracting clients and cash quickly in your business, with less effort, so that you enjoy the security of steady income and create the life you dream about. 

The training series starts April 16, 2011, so there’s still time to register!

You don’t have to be a professionally trained salesperson to be successful at getting clients… or have a big list… or have to “pay your dues” by doing hours and hours (or months / years as you’re told) of networking before you get clients. 

This training series includes the BEST and most COMPLETE compilation of Bonita’s teachings in this ONE course, about how to quickly find new clients and enroll them into your programs.

Here’s a peek  at what we cover:

• My proven systems to quickly enroll new clients (these systems allowed me to create a 6-figure business while my list was well under 1,000 people)

• Simple ways to become irresistible to clients and how to design your offerings so that they instantly “get” what you do

• Detailed information about how to have rich and authentic enrollment and invitation conversations that give value and serve your potential clients’ highest good – while leading them to take the next step

Plus time and money saving DONE-FOR-YOU templates, word-for word scripts, and copy to support you in taking powerful and aligned action to get more clients quickly.

There’s so much more Bonita covers in this 3-part telcourse training series.  For complete details visit—

http://bonitarichter.com/getnewclients-2/

Are you committed to doing whatever it takes to create the lifestyle and income you crave? Or, areyou ”involved” in trying to do well in your business?

My husband had an old boss who used to say about the morning breakfast of eggs and bacon (in comparing it to the level of commitment of employees in the workplace)— “The chicken was involved.  But, the pig was committed.”   What a difference!  And, I think you get where I am going with this…

What this analogy brings to light is there is a HUGE difference between being committed, versus merely being “involved.”  And, the level of success you achieve in business is most certainly determined by the degree of your commitment.

Are you doing everything you can to create forward momentum in your business?  Are you really committed to doing what it takes? 

I’ve compiled a list of things I do in my business that I believe demonstrates my commitment to achieving my personal and business visions of success.  Many of the things I have listed require me to step into a place of discomfort… and even fear… on an almost daily basis.  None of these tasks are easy for me to do.

And, I do them, because what I have learned is it is necessary to push through fear to grow; I must become comfortable with the feelings of discomfort and fear.

To me, I demonstrate being committed in my business by…

• Investing $15,000+ in my business for coaching, training, and seminars each and every year.
• Hopping on a plane and taking time away from my personal life and work life (there’s so much to do!) to attend multi-day seminars and retreats.
• Writing a newsletter on a weekly basis, even when I may not feel like doing it (though I love connecting and helping!).
• Pushing myself and feeling lots of discomfort, at times, to get over my old and sometimes still nagging fear of “being pushy,” being rejected, and being afraid of “what others might think” in order to master the critical skill of authentic enrollment conversations. (I still worry sometimes, “Did I offend anyone?” though I approach every conversation with the intention of being of service.)
• Choosing to move forward in the face of uncertainty, and in some cases paralyzing fear, wondering if people will sign up for my programs, or will I be embarrassed if no one signs up? (Someone always signs up, but I still worry about this.)
• Sending many emails (this is what it takes) promoting my programs and services, knowing some people will unsubscribe from my list, even though I know what I am offering will help them be more successful.
• Balancing the demands of my community college service and operating my own business; I work more hours than the typical ‘6-Figure’ mentor because of this dual commitment, meaning many evenings and Saturdays I am devoting time to my business.
• Having to set boundaries, especially around money, when dealing with clients and service providers. (The people-pleasing part of me wants to always give more, and even pay for services I may not have adequately received to avoid conflict; fortunately, the savvy business woman inside of me has a strong personality.)

There are more “inconvenient” things I could have listed here.  But, I think you can see from the list above, none of these items are easy to do.

Most, in fact, place me in a place of discomfort to some degree.  Yet, all of them are absolutely required (like fine-tuning my selling skills, for example).

None of these things are particularly convenient. But, I do them with fervor and intention to keep moving my business forward.

“Doing what it takes” can sound exhausting. But, “Doing what it takes” doesn’t necessarily mean doing more. Rather, it means stepping through fear with grace, and getting help with tasks that don’t support getting our brilliance out into the world.

Doing what it takes also means repeatedly investing in yourself and your business, to get the skills and the support you need, to create the income you desire and the lifestyle you crave.  No solo entrepreneur (or any entrepreneur, for that matter) can do it alone.  It does not matter if you’re a “one-woman band” or operate a multi-million dollar business.

This includes investing when you feel you’re “not ready,” or you’re not quite sure if you’ll get the return-on-investment you’re seeking. (Really, do we ever know that what we invest in will pay off?)

So if you’re not satisfied with your business, lifestyle, or income right now, my question to you is this:

Are you “interested” in success?  Or, are you doing what it takes to achieve your desired level of success?

Action Item

Write down a list of activities you do in your business, that you believe demonstrates commitment.  Look at it with a critical eye.  Are you doing enough… are you “doing what it takes?”  If not, course-correct now, to create forward momentum in your business.

I want to hand you my system how to get new clients quickly.  It includes Done-For-You templates, scripts, checklists, and more.  There’s still time to register for my 3-part telecourse training series, Breakthrough Secrets – How to Become Irresistible to Clients: Proven Strategies to Enroll 1, 3, 5, 7, or 10 Clients…Whether You’re a Seasoned Entrepreneur or New in Business.  The kickoff class is Saturday, April 16, 2011.  You’ll get your ROI with less than 1 new client!  Register now at http://www.BonitaRichter.com/getnewclients.